Friday, February 5, 2010

The "Need" for an Older Woman

I was approached by a young man on a dating site recently who admitted to me that after many failed relationships, he has learned that he actually needs an older woman. We got to talking about why that was true for him, and it got me thinking. This is something I’ve heard before, and when I haven’t heard it, I’ve intuited it. Though the reasons differ from man to man, there are many common threads. Some have told me that they love the “no bullshit” factor. Others are attracted to a woman who knows who she is sexually; to her depth as a sensual being; to a woman who is responsive and sensitive to his needs. And many have talked about the independent nature of the older woman: someone with a life of her own, who doesn’t depend on his approval or involvement for validation.

But how does all of this translate into a “need” for the older woman? I imagine it to be men who treasure their freedom, and have found their right to such respected by the older woman. I also believe there are men who get too messed up trying to figure out what a woman wants – an older woman, more often than not, just puts it out there. More than anything else though, there are men whose sexual appetite runs far deeper than the need for physical gratification. Being with an older woman, I am told, feeds that hunger. A man has space to grow and evolve and experiment with who he is, without having to shoulder the burden of a young woman’s confusion or identity crisis.

He also learns that, rather than "tolerating" or merely allowing his need – as so many of us did when we were young – we appreciate it; indeed, we take advantage of it.

That is, those of us looking for a sexual connection, who are “of a certain age”.

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