Monday, February 22, 2010

Fallacy: Boys Want Sex More Than Girls

There are “isms” in life that we are all handed from a very early age: from our churches and parents, schools and televisions, friends and newspapers. Some of them we get so often, and from so many different sources, we don’t even bother questioning them.

Except when we do.

The “ism” I always found suspect was this: boys want sex more than girls. And today, some 30 years later, I’m still hearing the same thing. Except that it’s not “don’t get into the back seat with that boy, he only wants one thing”, anymore, it’s the dark side of feminism, demonizing lustful men; or grown men themselves, deceiving the object of their desire in order to bed them. It’s the ridiculous notion, propagated by both genders, that men have a higher sex drive than women. “Don’t date him,” Carrie Bradshaw tells her friend Charlotte in Sex and the City. “He’s a sex maniac.”

Certainly it is true that we all go though ebbs and flows, and it’s commonly known that hormonal levels, in both men and women, determine libido. Enter the older woman younger man equation. But I met a man 16 years younger than I was once when, after it was determined we had a strong, mutual attraction to one another, he asked me if his “intense sexual appetite” would be an issue. “Excuse me?!!” I thought to myself. Were the heavens blessing me with their fortunes that day?!! Had I earned enough good karma points that month?! How about, “Would my appetite be an issue for you?!”

But I kept my mouth shut, in part because it would all come out in the wash anyway, and I’m happy to let a man think he wants it more than I do if that’s what rocks his boat (it might even rock mine). It’s not a competition. Let him have his one track mind, and I’ll adore him for it. As some scientists who study gender brain differences claim, men tend to think on one track at a time, and so if sex is on the brain, it becomes the lens through which they see the world and everything around them, often to the exclusion of all else. With the right man, I’m loving this quality. But does a man’s sexual appetite really exceed a woman’s? Where does this idea come from, and why is it so widely disseminated?

5 comments:

Robbie Kaye said...

I love this! I have often wondered about this and the myth that Men want more sex then Women. Thanks Jesse, for bringing this to light and giving the subject some food for thought for all of us. It's a delicate dance...

Debra L. Schubert said...

Great questions you posed at the end. I sincerely doubt that "myth" as I get older. I'm thinking I want it a lot more than my man these days. However, earlier in the relationship, it was definitely him wanting it way more than me. Maybe, like most things, there are just ebbs and flows in a relationship?

The Napkin Dad said...

When I was raising my daughters and the time came to have a discussion about sex, I made sure to not couch it only in terms of the boys wanting to get something from them, as if they would just be sitting there clueless about what the boy was wanting. I didn't go into details with them but I made sure they understood it was their desires and feelings that would come into play to and that is what they would have to take into account in addition to anything the boy brought to the table. I wish more parents would recognize that when teaching girls about the life ahead.

Linda said...

Most definitely ebbs and flows. Great blog, thought provoking and hits home. I used to feel that way more when I was younger, still have flashes of it but realize it's old mind chatter.

Jesse Mendes said...

Robbie, Debra, Linda & "Napkin Dad", thank you all of you for your comments, and my apologies for a tardy reply! I am still getting used to staying on top of the comments people make on my posts. In any case, I really appreciate all of what you have to say -- Debra and Linda, I couldn't agree more on the ebbs and flows of these things (!), Robbie, I love you for your support, as always, and Napkin Dad, my utmost respect to you for your approach to raising your daughters -- too bad men like you weren't out there teaching parenting skills or something!

All the best, Jesse