Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Men Who Get Older Women

I was talking to a friend the other day about men who “get” older women and how they stand apart from men who don’t. She knew exactly what I was talking about. In my experience, older women often have a certain aura to them, much the same way a pregnant woman does, but different. There is a strength and an energy to them that is almost impossible to describe, but it is real, and tangible. When I look into the face of an older woman, I sometimes sense an unconscious effort to minimize or suppress this power and yet, it remains: an unstoppable force that is determined to survive, to persevere, to keep getting back up, again and again.

But the aura I feel goes beyond that, and it has a sexual undertone to it. As a heterosexual woman, I like to imagine myself as a man, and ask myself what I would find attractive. The truth is, I cannot imagine that, as a man, I could find sex with a young woman to be even remotely satisfying. The actor Alec Baldwin recently went on record saying that he could not imagine going to bed with someone he couldn’t talk to in the morning, and that some men get stuck in chasing some romantic ideal of their youth. Or something like that. It seems to me that men who find older women attractive – and there are many, many more out there than the media would have us believe – have a lot more depth to them.


Robbie Kaye said...

I love the way you think about this and am grateful that you are inviting us to think about this important subject in such a meaningful way. Thank you!!

Joan Price said...

My beloved husband Robert used to tell me that he loved my wrinkles because they were a part of my authenticity and showed that I had life experiences. He would definitely be on your list of men who "got" older women.

Joan Price

Author of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty

Join us -- we're talking about ageless sexuality at

Jesse Mendes said...

Yes, I've heard that many times -- men who find the signs of aging to be beautiful and real -- even arousing.

Anonymous said...

I stumbled upon this blog and thought I wold affirm your belief older women are more appealing. I'm a man and for my entire life it was obvious to me older women were far more attractive than their younger counterparts. The appeal is combination of factors, physical beauty in conjunction with wisdom, grace, and confidence is devastating. In my opinion as women age they grow more beautiful, not less so. As a young man I never dared reveal my passions or acted upon them because it was socially unacceptable. Society has changed a bit, older women are being recognized and admired more and more. To me it's a breath of fresh air. My wife is in her mid 50's and her telltale signs of aging don't detract, rather they're part of her beauty. I've often pondered how if we had met when I was 20 and she was as she is now I would still have been knocked off my feet, she's gorgeous and has that warmth, confidence and sparkle which makes one want to be at her side. There are so many women in their 40's, 50's and 60's who are so attractive and have so much to offer they'll stop you in your tracks. I don't say this because I'm older now as well, I've always thought so, even as a young person. Despite what society tells us about how youth rules I think many men if they were candid and didn't fret over perceptions would admit the charms of an older woman are beguiling.

Jessica Mendes said...

Wow -- how inspiring is this. Thanks for your comments, so beautifully articulated and appreciated. And I agree with you, I think many men if they were candid (and didn't fret over perceptions) would admit to being affected by the charms of an older woman.

That, in essence, is what inspired my concept for SeptemberMay. Perhaps keep an eye out for us -- it will be a dating site that will celebrate older women. While you are yourself in an established relationship, perhaps you know someone else you can refer to us. Thanks for taking the time to comment.