I have often imagined what it would be like to be a teenage boy with a sexual appetite that is out of control, trying to get enough verve to ask the girl out at school while masturbating under the bed covers at every opportunity. It seems to me that hormonally-challenged young men have no business running around with girls their own age – at least, not until they’ve found a way to relieve some of the pressure, and learned a little bit about how to harness their energies. Because as we all know, it is common for girls to feel coerced into sex before they are ready – and many of us caved out of the need to be wanted. It’s still going on today. Girls as young as 11 or 12 are giving out blow jobs to boys in order to be cool, and to gain acceptance from their peers.
But I digress. What I mean to be driving at is that many teenage boys could benefit from a channel through which to express their needs, and some practical advice on how to please a lady. And who better to offer that than an older woman?
Movie star Michael Douglas knows about this all too well. Recently, on being interviewed by Elle magazine, he confessed to having been bedded by two friends of his mother’s when he was 16. And since then, pop sensation Justin Bieber (also 16) has revealed a similar wisdom, having come out with his own interest in older women. These are just two examples. That young men (especially major stars) talk so much more easily about this kind of attraction demonstrates one thing for certain – times are changing. It’s not just a Mrs. Robinson phenomena anymore.
There is something that just makes sense about this picture. A woman in her sexual prime has just as much to gain from initiating a young man as he does, and it’s fun for both of them. If boys had the benefit of this experience more often, they would be far more versed in matters of both the heart and sexuality – and that is something we can all gain from. It would be good for their self esteem, and good for the women they end up with.
Now this little liaison I am painting is, of course, distinctly different from that of an older woman – younger man relationship that endures, even if they both work for similar reasons. But I think it deserves to be taken just as seriously. In some Indigenous cultures, women were required to assume a temporary post as a teacher of sexual secrets to young men, as a form of initiation. If receiving this kind of direction were the norm in modern day society, the impact on a young man's growth and maturation would be something to observe indeed.
Just imagine the possibilities.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
20 comments:
Interesting take here Jesse...I often wonder what life would have been like had guys like myself had had this type of experience in our younger years...how less awkward we might have been around the fairer sex. Thanks for sharing, Andy
Hey Andy I appreciate your comment! I was hoping to hear from men -- in fact, any men reading this, can you indulge me? Do you agree with Andy? Did you have an experience with an older woman when you were young?
I think its a wonderful idea! I'm in a committed rship but its sort of exciting to be a 'mentor' to a younger man to help him through those stages, we can be so much more understanding, patient and aware of all of those issues instead of two young people fearful of sex, their first time and all the nuances that brings (gods do I remember that!). Having someone who has been there before would take a huge load off, literally and figuratively! Wonderful post Jesse xxx
Interesting post, Jesse. As you say, in many cultures, being initiated by an older woman is a rite of passage for young men. Perhaps this idea of learning from an older woman is part of the reason that more and more younger men are openly enjoying the company of older women.
The one thing I'm not sure of is how the women would be viewed by society if this was the norm. Women dating younger men are already frequently portrayed as sexual predators, so even in the context of an adult relationship, it could lead to their being further vilified by the masses.
Do I think young men could benefit - absolutely!
Do I think women would pay the price - unfortunately, yes.
Jo
Lise, thank you for your thoughts -- nice to know that someone agrees about how this would "take the pressure of", so to speak. Well put.
Jo, as always, I appreciate your thoughts and commentary. I don't agree with you that "women would pay the price" though. Mostly because I believe that in order for "older women as sexual mentors" to be actualized in modern North American culture, sweeping, significant changes would first have to take place in the society at large: namely, how older women are perceived, valued and considered. With those changes in place, it would no longer be an issue.
There is still a great deal of work to do. But I thought perhaps that somewhere to start is in public discussion that encourages young men to come out and talk about their experiences with older women when they were young -- and where that is lacking, the experiences they might have wished they had.
In friendship,
Jesse
Older women with younger men is one thing, (though the opposite situation of an older man with a younger woman often brands the male as a 'dirty old man,') but when you talk about 'boys' I think you should make certain that your readership are aware of the age of the 'boys' you're talking about. Many boys, well under the age of consent are in search of sexual experience and gratification, (I know I was, back in the day)and 'masturbating under the bed covers at every opportunity' is a perfectly acceptable solution to their frustration, but receiving their sexual experience from an 'older woman' is as much paedophilia as any other example and is equally immoral and abhorent. Have fun with your 'younger men' if you can find them, but hands off our kids, whatever their gender.
Hi Dave
Your comments are appreciated.
Rest assured, when I talk about teenage boys, I refer not to boys under the age of consent -- I have no interest in promoting, nor do I have any tolerance for, paedophilia, exploitation, or abuse of any kind. I would have thought this was clear in my piece, since I use the expression "teenage boys" and "young men" interchangeably, but I understand your point just the same, and I think it was worth bringing up.
For the record, however: my post refers not to me personally, or some supposed pursuit on my part of teenage boys -- it explores a concept I think our culture might gain from, should times and thinking be different. As well, I don't think my post suggests that "masturbating under the bed covers" is an unacceptable solution to a teenage boy's frustration. It is, without a doubt.
Thank you for taking the time to write, and granting me the opportunity to address this.
Jesse
I couldn't agree more with your assessment. There is a lot of confusion among young men when it comes to this type of subject matter. An older, experienced woman who is willing to mentor and guide a young man into adulthood is a wonderful thing. We should be following the example of the indigenous cultures you mentioned. But in today's society, sex is so taboo and is still to this day looked upon with scorn. Males and females are taught to hide their sexuality and to never talk about it. This is why we have so much sexual deviance and perversion in America. In Europe, sex is not that big of a deal in the public forum. Unlike America, France isn't a nation of giggling 10 year olds whenever they see "pee pee parts." In Paris, it wouldn't be strange for two people to use their lunch break for an afternoon rendevouz. Enjoy a glass of wine, make love, have a few smokes, then head back to work. This laissez-faire approach to life is what motivates me to adopt the European approach to sex. I often here Europeans criticize America's attitude towards sex by stating how violent our movies are, but how censored our sex scenes are. Anyway, sorry for my rambling, but I'm just fascinated by this subject. Great writing Jesse, keep up the great work!
Dave. I think you're paranoid. And older woman with a 16 year old male is not the same if it were the reverse. And that's just the way it is. It doesn't help to take ultra-conservative/religious stances on these things.
Hey Shauny
I enjoy your thoughts on the European approach to sex and sexuality very much. I, too, prefer this way of looking at, and living, life. Stay in touch!
Jesse
> Justin Bieber (also 16) has revealed a similar wisdom, having come out with his own interest in older women.
As long as they're not over 40, he says. Clearly he hasn't met women like us yet!
Joan Price
Author of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty and the upcoming Naked at Our Age: A Straight Talking Guide to Senior Sex.
Join us -- we're talking about ageless sexuality at
http://www.betterthanieverexpected.blogspot.com
Hi Joan
Yes -- I tweet about Justin's love of older women regularly! Thanks for the note. Jesse
"In some Indigenous cultures, women were required to assume a temporary post as a teacher of sexual secrets to young men, as a form of initiation."
I am just curious where more information can be found on this subject. I am interested in studying rites of passage and I remember seeing a very brief passage on older women acting as sexual mentors to young men in indigenous culture in a magazine article a very long time ago. I cannot seem to find very much information on the web though. Please let me know if you have any good sources. Thanks.
Hi Nate
I don't know of any specific resources on this subject -- I learned all about it through a body of oral teachings, as much of Indigenous culture is passed down orally. But you will definitely find some leads by pursuing the concept of the Sacred Whore or the Sacred Prostitute -- your local library, a Google search, or even books related Matriarchal teachings or shamanism. There's tons of stuff out there -- it's all in how you search and what you search for. Use your intuition in following leads, and be wary of charlatans or people out to profit from, or exploit, Indigenous teachings -- there are tons of those out there as well.
Good luck.
What a fantastic post! I am working on a Sexual Revolution project that is aimed toward trying to make the business of sex more stimulating, positive and sustainable. Throughout the research, we concluded that an idea like this would be a perfect solution to the problems associated with both younger men and older women. It's a great way for younger men to really learn how to treat a woman, while the older woman gets to teach, have fun and play with a younger man!
Do you mind if I cite this post in my research? I would be very interested in including it.
Please let me know. My email is jkozak86@gmail.com
Cheers,
Jill
Hi Jill
I love your enthusiasm and am very intrigued by your project. Have written you on your email address to find out more. Thanks for writing.
Jesse
I have a slight confession to make, I am a 17 year old young man and often catch myself fantasizing about older women. I don't speak out about it often because in the U.S sex is largely considered taboo especially with someone that is older and of the opposite sex. From the stand point of a teenage boy, it would boost my self esteem and confidence as a young man if I knew how to handle myself and how to confront a women in general and be less awkward so to speak as well. This is a wonderful concept.
You would be surprised how common older women - younger men relationships / liaisons are. The media just hasn't paid much attention, and when they do, it tends to be reduced to stereotypes (like the "cougar" and the "cub").
I am thrilled that you took the time to write and share your experience. I hope you will consider checking out the SeptemberMay dating site when we launch -- dedicated to celebrating authentic older women and the men who love them. Stay in touch. You are not alone in your experience.
Jessica
I was lucky enough to have an older woman as my first sexual partner when I was 17. She was 38. That summer she transformed me from a quite shy boy to a confident young man. I am very greatful for it, and I don't think that could have happened with a girl at my own age. Later, when I was 19, I had sexual relationship with a 46 year old woman for over one year. To this day, I consider these as the best sex partners i've ever had. The intensity and communication was like nothing else.
Partners from different stages in life have fewer expectations from each other, not trying to fit in a role, and thus become more themselves. not afraid of show any kind of emotions whether it is shyness or arousal, just free in every sense!
I think it is completely natural for young men and women twice their age to meet. Maybe there is a good reason why it is often kept as a secret, 'cause its the best sex there is.
:)
Dan
Dan, this is beautifully put. Would love to connect with you -- perhaps when we launch SeptemberMay, you would consider posting a blog on the subject? Let me know if you'd like to connect -- you can write me at jesseheretic (at) yahoo (dot) com.....Thanks for writing. You are very articulate!
Post a Comment